


She Lives in Canada

by Alexanderthegreatestgay



Series: Barb is Oblivious [1]
Category: Spies Are Forever - Talkfine/Tin Can Brothers
Genre: Barb really needs to stop, Fake/Pretend Relationship, I love her, M/M, Unrequited Love, but she needs to chill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 01:29:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9944339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexanderthegreatestgay/pseuds/Alexanderthegreatestgay
Summary: Barb's advances get too much for Curt, so he invents a fake girlfriend as an excuse to turn her down. Of course he then decides to rope in his poor reluctant boyfriend to help.





	1. I'm going to regret this

When Owen first meets Barb he turns his customary charm on, and Curt half expects, or maybe hopes is the right word, that she will fall in love with him instead. But though she giggles when he flirts, and blushes when he winks at her, she never turns the same looks of adoration on him as she does Curt.

Frustrated, Curt finds himself complaining bitterly to Owen.  
"How come you flirt with everyone and this never happens to you?" he moans.  
"Because I flirt with everyone, Curt, not just my poor hapless lab staff," admonishes Owen.  
"I don't flirt with her!"  
"Barb, I could kiss you," Owen imitates, putting on a stupidly deep American accented voice.  
Curt rolls his eyes.  
"I do not sound like that. Besides, I say it to you all the time, and its not weird. "  
"That's because you do kiss me. Regularly. "  
"Yeah, but she doesn't know that. "  
"Which is exactly your problem. She never sees you show interest in anyone else, so she thinks she still has a shot."  
Curt groans, and Owen pats his shoulder with mock sympathy.  
Curt pauses suddenly.  
"Well, what if I just pretend to be dating someone," he says as though he's invented silced bread, instead of the world's most easily discovered ploy. Owen raises an eyebrow at his boyfriend's stupidity, which Curt obviously misreads.  
"No, a girl someone," the shorter man says, still enthused.  
"I'm not dressing in drag for your coworkers," Owen says darkly, but Curt waves him aside.  
"No, they never even have to see you, I just mention 'her' once or twice, get some romantic letters when I'm away, and mysteriously disappear in the evenings sometimes. The most you'll have to do is a girly voice on the phone. "  
"Curt..." starts Owen wearily.  
"Unless you think I should get a real girlfriend," Curt says deviously. "I guess Irene is kinda cute, maybe I should ask her out... or do you think a feild agent would be more convincing? What about Julia?"  
Owen pulls an exsaperated face at him.  
Curt rifles through the files to find her picture.  
"Oh yeah, Julia seems like a great idea," he says consideringly. "Maybe we should kiss in front of Barb to make absolutely sure its believable?"  
Owen glares at him warningly.  
"She seems like she would be a great kisser," muses Curt, feigning obliviousness.  
"Really soft looking lips-"  
Owen growls and shoves him off his chair. Curt grins smugly, despite having been knocked on his ass.  
Owen stalks over to Curt who's shit eating grin remains in place even in the face of Owen's dark eyed glare.  
“Won't you be my pretend girlfriend, Owen?" coos Curt.  
Owen relents and rubs at his temple.  
"I _would_ rather Barb stopped hitting on you quite so excessively. "  
Curt grins victoriously and waggles his eyebrows.  
"So how some loving from from my best gal?" he says and Owen groans.  
"I can already tell I'm going to regret this," he says, but he lets himself be pulled down on top of Curt anyway.


	2. Scaredy cat

Head resting on the muscle of Owen's upper arm, Curt breathes a contented rhythm. Owen looks across at him, eyes still half lidded. "I can't believe you said you want to kiss Julia," he says, a sleepy chuckle in his voice. Curt swats at his chest lazily. "Shut up, you know I didn't mean it," he says, then almost as an afterthought, "Julia kind of scares me."  
"She scares you?" says Owen, even more amused.  
"She kills people for a living, Owen!" says Curt indignantly.  
"So do you," Owen points out, but is ignored.  
"One time she brought me coffee and I swear it was poisoned."  
"You made her bring you coffee? She's an agent, Curt, not an intern."  
"I was busy! And how am I the bad guy now? " He says petulantly.  
"You have no manners," says Owen, a mix of fondness and disapproval in his tone.  
Curt gives up, and presses his face into Owen's neck with a groan. "Why does every woman I meet want to either murder or marry me?"  
Owen laughs at his partner's melodramatics, and rolls so he's astride him once more.  
"While I can't do much about the former, as your stunning personality is insurmountable-,"  
"Hey!"  
"let me see what I can do to strip you of your position of the secret service's most eligible bachelor," Owen continues, leaning down to mouth along Curt's throat.

The next day, Curt walks into the lab a happy man. An unmistakable line of bruises makes its way down his neck and under his collar.  
"Hi, Curt!" Barb says with her usual enthusiasm. "Your neck has a little somethin- oh."  
Curt's smirk broadens a little more. "The girlfriend came to visit last night."  
"Oh," Barb stutters again. " I mean ah- that's um- ”  
Curt takes pity on her and shifts his collar so it breaks her line of sight, snapping her out of her horrified staring.  
"So what have you got for me today?"  
"Oh! Um yes, right away."

Curt leaves again, equipped for his mission and satisfied that Barb won't be bothering him for a while. But he should have known that his troubles were not over, because Owen Carvour is not the kind of man to let him go without getting his revenge.  
When he makes it to the jet, he finds Agent Julia Simmons waiting for him. He looks around, frantically hoping there's been a mistake, as she winks at him and hands him a cup of coffee. Curt almost has a heart attack.  
Around the corner, Owen smirks and hands Cynthia a fiver, happy in the knowledge that Curt will not be enjoying his trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Owen doesn’t appreciate your casual sexism Curt, why didnt u ask one of your male co workers to get u coffee.


End file.
